Motherhood is nothing like I thought it would be. Seriously though. I imagined board games every night, singing kids songs in the car and having the perfect schedule for kids who always stayed on my schedule. As you can imagine, the reality of being a Mother is very different from my deranged illusion. I think I thought we would be like The Brady Family. Darn you, Nick @ Nite, for giving me a false hope of what having a family is like.
The first five reasons I can think of that make my family different from The Brady's:
1. Instead of one of my Davy Jones obsessed daughters getting smoked in the face with a football accidentally, my kids would rather hold each other down and beat their sisters with their own shoes, while laughing like evil minions.
2. Although Carol Brady didn't have twins (the first hole in my Brady Family fantasy), I can imagine she would have handled bed time perfectly without having even a single glass of wine. Unfortunately for me, one 2 year old is climbing the curtains, the other is playing underneath the bed and my 4 year old is watching a movie pretending she is anywhere but here, which is precisely what I am doing.
3. My kids are not made for show business. When we listen to the Frozen sound track for the thousandth time, the two year olds are singing words in their own babbling language and my 4 year old is singing the words at the top of her lungs.... a whole 10 seconds after they are said.
4. The Brady's Family dinners are all about talking to each other nicely and eating whatever Mrs. Brady decides to cook. Our dinner time consists of yelling at the dog not to eat off the table, the oldest whining because she doesn't like this food she's had a hundred times because it looks different, the twins grabbing each others food which results in a smack down across booster seats that eventually results in being separated from one another and Mommy losing her mind.
5. They have a maid. If I didn't have to make the beds, do the dishes or sweep my floors I'd probably be a ball of sunshine too. Instead, I'm the one who gets to clean up the poop my toddler decided to smear all over her bed, the carpet and her sisters. Yep, MY reason for a poopy attitude is because I'm the one cleaning up all the poopy. All day, every day.
While I truly do enjoy mother hood, down to the very last poopy door knob I grabbed and then ate a chip without realizing I forgot to clean my hands first; it's absolutely nothing like being Carol Brady.
No comments:
Post a Comment